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in John Darnbrook
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was going to die. I got up & said, I was very bad; byt no Body gave me any answer
I stood at the Door, till some Body, who was before me, was shaved; then I got in &
?? was shaved, I went home very heavy & told our people, I was not well
They advised me to get some Supper, which might help me, I went to
Bed & in the Morning still found myself the same. I begun to re
flect on my present State, for I had not minded Religion for a long
Time. I thought, it was a Punishment from God for my bad Course.
Accordingly to make Amends, I thought, I would go once on Sunday
to some Place of Worship; but the other part of the Sunday I would
walk about & take my pleasure, as I had done before. I went on so
for some Time but it did not help me. Then I thought, I would go
both the Forenoon & Afternoon to Worship; yet still I found no Ease.
I begun to be so terrified, that I thought, I should be in Hall every
Moment. When I had a Pen in my Hand to write a Bill of Parcel,
I flung it away, when I had done iwth it & thought, I should be in
Hall, before I should want it any more. When I went out, I often
thought, I should drop down dead in the Street. It came so far, that
my Appetite left one & I could get no Sleep. I used to awake in
Frights & get up. I read some Times in the Bible; but I thought,
every Word seemed a Sentence against me; I thought, I had sinned
against the holy Ghost; therefore I had nothing to expect but Hell
& judgement, I was in that Distress in more than 2 months. One
Sunday I went to Fetterlane Chappel. When I heard some Courses of
Lives similar to my own, it gave me great Hopes, when I heard
how they were redeemed by the Blood & Wounds of Jesus. I went
Home full of Hope, that I should soon be released. Next Day in
the Forenoon, when I was going thro' a narrow passage near
Spitalfields Church, it came into my Mind, that there was Mercy
in Jesus for every believing soul. In that Moment I believed, &
the Love of God was spread shed abroad in my Heart. I saw Jesus in
his crucified Form quite clear, who had redeemed me from all my
Sins. I don;t know, how I was afterwards got home. Every Body was dear
to me & I loved every one, & would gladly have imparted unto them
of what I enjoyed. I went on in that Enjoyment for some Time &
thought, since I was come to the Knowledge of our Savr, that I
should no more feel the Depravity of my own sinfull Nature. But
I found my sinfull Nature still, & was obliged to apply to our
Savr for his grace to preserve me, which he did from Time to Time
I began to have a longing Desire, to become acquainted with
the Brn, as I believed, they were the only people, which I belonged to.
Accordingly I began to go frequently on Sundays to Fetterlane. I went
so long, till Br Broderson took Notice of me in the Preaching & made
it out with one of the S. Brn, that he should spent with me at
the first Opportunity. Accordingly, he bid me a good Day after the
Preaching & asked me, where I was agoing? I told him, I was agoing
towards Bishopgate Street. He said, he was agoing that Way too
& desired my Company. He said, he had observed, that I frequented
their Preachings for some Time, & inquired, if I know any Thing about
the Brn? I told him, yes; I knew the Brn in Fulneck, & I knew Br
Brodersen too, & had spike with him formerly. I told him, I had often
fixed a Day, that I would go & speak with him again. He asked, if I
should like to speak with him, & if it would suit me that Fine, if
I had on Opportunity for if?I answered: yes; I had no objection to it.
So we turned back both together & went to Roll's Buildings. As soon
as we got into the House, we met Br Brodersen in the Passage, &
he took me into his Room & we had some pretty Conversation together.
The Choir- Lisurgy was going to begin, & he gave me Leave to be at
if. I was so melted, that I wept all the Time. After spending some
Part of the Evening with the S. Brn, I regturned home very thank-
full for the kind Reception, that I met with. From that Time I went
every Sunday to the S. Brn, which was the chief Opportunity, that I had.
Some Time after I petitioned for Reception into the Congn, which
Blessing was granted me January the 13th 1766, & I entered into
a Covenant that Time with out Savr to be his for ever. I spent my
Time for the most Part in a very happy Track of Grace, considering
my Situation, wherein I was, & I had many near Visits of our Savr,
which made my Tinme very pleasant. Tho' I felt naturally my de-
praved human Nature; but I applied to him & got preserved. When
Br Abraham returned from the Provincial Lynod at Fulneck, he
acquainted me, that they had mad eit out in a Conference that if I did
accept of it, I should go to Fulneck & be employed in the Congn Shop.
I told him, I had no Choice in it, I would go any where. Accordingly as
soon as I could make Things suitable, I left my Place, & set out from
London Feby the 17th 1767 & arrived at Fulneck the 22d of the same Month
to my great Joy. Thus for his own words.
By dictating his Course of Life, he ^often said: I thought, there was some