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in Elizabeth Grundy
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ding this I had soon after a severe trial, which
was augmented by my want of selfknowledge.
Falling sick and feeling myself very poor, and full
of unbelief, I began to question the love of our
Savior, thinking, if the Lord be with me, why
am I thus? Hitherto I had imagined that belie-
vers had a fund of support within themselves,
so that I thought, it was inconsistent with a
child of God to have any doubts and fears. Thus
I was so confounded as to be almost driven to
despair, and because like a shipwrecked mariner,
thrown at once from the pleasing prosperity
the promised land upon a desolate rock, where
nothing appeared but horror & devastation.
The gloom, which had thus overspread me, con-
tinued a good while, and tho' I had frequent
visits from our Savior, still I could not re-
gain my cheerfulness, for I had not yet lear-
ned to cleave daily by faith as a needy sinner
to Jesus. Indeed this point was not then so
well moderated by some of us, as it has been
since; After it was expected that a child of God
should be cheerful and happy without any in-
terruption, and this idea afforded me suffici-
ent cause for selfcondemnation. But since
then I have learned to know more of the
priveledge, enjoyed by a believer, of turning
with all his selfishness, to our Savior and finding